A collection of letters

Dear liver, I sincerely apologize for ingesting the unnecessary amount of alcohol on Saturday. A week later, I still feel your turmoil.

Dear stomach, I as well apologize for the mass amounts of alcohol ingested last Saturday, but I do no appreciate the acid reflex that I am still suffering from a week later.

Dear self, I do not appreciate your lack of consciousness that could have potentially saved my $300 Coach purse from being vomited into. Do you have no sense? Have I not taught you better?

Dear mind, I strike you for having a greater care for Dave's silk tie being in that exact purse and soaking up most of the vomit. And why did you have to lunge for that bouquet? Thank you for labeling me the ass-who-fell!

Dear employers, I did pass the second grade and I am well aware of how to read Bachelor's degree. My cover letters are not there for decoration. Maybe if you re-entered second grade, you would learn how to read and discover that though I may only have an Associate's degree, my years of experience should be undoubted.

Dear life (in general), your irony should die a horrible slow death. You preach:

"Do your best"

Your best doesn't matter in the real world. It's all about the paperwork. Who cares that you graduated at the top of your class, with 7 years of experience. You graduated with an Associate's Degree and that's not acceptable (I admit to typing "exceptable" with no hesitation). You also preach:

"Be cool, stay in school!"

Who in their right mind can afford a $32,000+ 2 year school. Enrollment is down you say?

Ignorance is bliss, eh.

Posted on July 26, 2008 10:45 PM | Permalink
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