Le Ren

2 + 3 = 23, duh!

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 21:24:03 +0000

As of 11:30 this morning, I officially turned 23. Yes it is my birthday, and I can cry (well brag, in my case) if I want to. Like I've said before, I think I cashed in on my "karma kudos" too early, because I wouldn't be surprised if I got nothing but a picture of coal for Christmas. With that being said, here's what made my birthday an extra special day: 1.) The various "extravagant" gifts from my mother, stepfather, and sister (that of which includes, the FujiFilm FinePix digital camera, the Dooney&Bourke clutch, and the Coach purse). 2.) A banner as wide as the office I work in, wishing me (and my fellow co-worker, Dom, whom shares a birthday with me) a Happy Birthday, plus a Sugar Free RockStar (which just so happens to be one of my favorite drinks) with a Hello Kitty Happy Birthday balloon tied around it. 3.) Last but not least, all the love and birthday wishes that I received from my dear pals on Twitter. I thank you all!

MySpace Birthday counter

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 15:53:26 +0000

This counter is also on my MySpace, I felt like yoinking it and putting it here.

Vacation! [part seven]

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 19:15:32 +0000

Day 7 and I have absolutely no regrets about the many days I spent vegetating on my computer. 'Tis the last day of my vacation and I enjoyed every moment of it, even the moments when boredom struck.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is the present. That's why they call it a gift.

Vacation! [part six]

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 18:22:56 +0000

I honestly do not know what I did this year to deserve such spoiled treatment for my birthday. Not only did I receive a brand spanking new digital camera (noted here) from my step dad, but I also received a Dooney & Bourke clutch from my mother! I can't help but wonder that maybe I cashed in on my "karma kudos" too early, because my birthday does fall conveniently close to Christmas and I wouldn't be surprised if I got nothing but coal for Christmas... or rather a picture of coal.

You can't stop a freight train

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:59:58 +0000

Vacation! [part five] (I decided to break this into two entries, because they are two irrelevant things and to be put in the same entry just doesn't make sense.) Like I said, what had started off as a good day drastically went down hill. Today was the day of my step dad's ex-wife's / step sister's and brother's mother's funeral. Not a mere couple of days ago my step dad, John, received the news that his ex-wife, Bunny, had suffered a brain aneurism but had survived. After the grueling (what I assume to be) 8 hour surgery, it wasn't looking good for Bunny; half of the right side of her brain was completely dead and the whole left side of her brain was damaged. If that wasn't enough for Bunny, she had also suffered not one, but two strokes during surgery. As the days rolled on, the doctors couldn't get the beats-per-minute of her heart to go up, and they ruled it as a heart attack that probably caused such a slow beat. With such brain damage the doctors said Bunny will never have her motor skills again. That being she will never have the capability of talking, chewing, eating, or swallowing at that fact. Bunny then, eventually slipped into a coma and at that point the whole left side of her brain completely died and that's when my step family made the wise decision to take her off life support. She died Sunday, November 9th, 2008. I couldn't help but be ripped back to the day my father died, I was flooded with memories of that dreadful day because it was also a Sunday. I had also woken up, came downstairs, and received such horrid news. My heart went out to my step sisters and step brothers because they were there for me when I lost my parent. I was going to be there for them and their loss because I know how it feels, I know what they are going through, hopefully my support will help them the way their support helped me. Though... A part of me did not want to go to the funeral home. I did not want to enter that room with that casket and have not a doubt in my heart that, that is my father in there, dead. I could see it all again, I remembered it all like it was yesterday. That dreadful Sunday where something had abruptly awoken me from my slumber. Something that made me go downstairs just to receive the word that my father had died. The horror and the guilt, the sadness and the pain, it all felt exactly the same as it did that day. I remembered retreating to my room, never to come out. I remember sitting in my chair, staring blankly out the window as my hands wrote a poem. A poem to my father and about my father. A poem that had finally admitted that I loved my father and not hated him the way that I used to scream so. A poem that had released me of all my guilt. A poem of forgiveness. A poem of apologies. A closure. I remember going to the florist where I broke down in tears because I was picking out the floral arrangements that were to be exhibited in my fathers casket! His fucking casket, because he was fucking dead and I couldn't even tell the florist what name to put of the banner. Dad? Daddy? Father? He was never a dad to me! The anger, the anger just rushed in my veins but then quickly overcome by guilt. I remember all the emotions that always seemed to hit me all at once like a freight train. I remember going shopping with Dave because I had not an all black ensemble and even if I did, I wasn't going to wear it to my father's funeral. I wanted an outfit that I was never going to wear again. An outfit I can hide away in my closet as the outfit I wore to my father's funeral. A simple task, or I had thought it was. I couldn't do it, I couldn't pick out the clothes that I was going to wear to my father's funeral! It was all so surreal, like a dream, but not that day. That day, reality hit me... hit me so hard that I was on the floor of JC Penny's sobbing my eyes out. I remember my desperate search for a newspaper to see my father's obituary, to see if it was all true or just some sick nightmare. It was not. I remember the funeral. I remember how nice of a day it was and how I longed for the rain. I remember hating the sun, and hating God for having such a nice day for my father's funeral. My father just died, the world should not rejoice in the sun but mourn because I had just lost my father. He's dead and it was not raining. I remember the room at the funeral home. I remember the surreal look of my dad. How doll-like he looked, so fake, like it wasn't real. I remember how boney his shoulder's were, the hair on his head, the mole on the side of his forehead. I remember his hands, those big, strong hands, with that broken thumbnail... they never changed. I remember that sweater he would usually wear for proper events, those black slacks, and his dress shoes that weren't so "dress" anymore because they were covered in scuff marks, dulled out, and torn a bit. I remember remembering those shoes for as long as I could remember. I remember the hat he always wore that laid by his hands. I remember the pictures that were lined up in his casket. I remember the mints we snuck into his casket, that we hid under his blanket, because he loved those mints, they were his favorite. I remember the flag because he was a soldier. I remember the two flowers that laid on his lap; one from Auron, his grandson and one from his passed godchild, Amber. I remember the stone that sat at the edge: "When someone you love becomes a memory. That memory becomes a treasure." I also remember how hard he felt. I remember not believing that that was my father, lying in a casket before me. I remember never leaving his side because it appeared as though everyone was ignoring him. I remember everyone chit-chatting with their backs turned to him, but not I. I stood there, I kept him company. I remember the promise I had made to him and how I have faltered on them already. I remember the forgiveness I begged from him, that I still don't feel it. I remember going to his apartment that had already been cleaned out by family. I arrived too late due to work. I remember the feeling of having no closure 'cause I did not see the way he lived. I wanted to see how he lived. The couch, the dining room, the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom, I wanted to see it all but everything was gone! All that was left were marks on the carpet of what used to be there. I remember the Miracle Grow that was under his sink and how Tina told me that he was excited to bring her tomatoes! I remember the canned soup, the vegetables, the appliances. I remember going into his bedroom and his barren closet and picking out a striped, button-down shirt. I remember my father always wearing button-down shirts, I have not a memory were he wasn't in a button-down shirt. I remember picking through his belongings, desperate to grab hold of memories. I remember all the “I want this” and “I want that.” I remember the rain finally coming. The gray clouds, the emptiness. I remember driving away from his apartment. I remember finally realizing that he's gone. He is gone forever. Putting all selfishness aside, I went to the funeral home. I grunted and I bared the pain in my family's eyes because I know what they're going through. I hugged every last one of them and whispered softly into their ears, "I know." That's all I could say, nothing I could do or say will make them feel any better. I was not going to ask how they're doing because I know. I wasn't going to ask if they're going to be alright because I know. I do know, all I could do was hold them and comfort them the best I could. All I could do was be there for them. And that I did.

Vacation! [part five]

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:42:30 +0000

Day 5 started off as a good vacation day because, you know yesterday, I was minding my own business, snuggling on the couch reading a book, and then my mom and step dad, John, came in the door baring gifts for a certain someone’s birthday that's in six days. Since I am the impatient, 'ripping presents to shreds not even minding the beautifully wrapped package' kid that I am, I wanted what was in that Circuit City bag and I wanted it now! Oh the box taunted me, yes I could see the box because the bag was opaque, and I saw a glimpse of green. Could it be? Could it be... A FUJIFILM - FinePix 10.0MP Digital Camera! I immediately snatched the bag from my step dad’s hands, ripped it to shreds (even though I could have just calmly opened the handles), gnawed my way through the box, and pulled out my new, improved, freakishly small (you've got to hand it to me, I had an old Sony digital camera, that thing was like a brick), sexy, green digital camera that's all mine! What had started off as a good day drastically went down hill. Today was the day of my step dad's ex-wife's / step sister's and brother's mother's funeral.

Tuna packs: Fine cuisine.

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 13:14:03 +0000

Since I am home on vacation, I can have an actual lunch, and not some flavor tuna pack that I practically live off of at work. Tuna packs are pretty much the only thing you can eat where I work and not worry about getting some parasite, or other stomach-eating-diseases. Now, since we do not have a microwave (and the computer in the office only gets so hot with the capability of only defrosting/"softening" the Bagel-To-Go's) and our deli service only serves old, rotten lunch meat that has hit the floor of at least a minimal of two times; tuna is the only healthy, safe-to-the-stomach option we employees have. That being said, I prepared myself a hefty lunch. That being a salami and swiss sandwich drizzled in vinegar and sprinkled with black pepper. A side of baby carrots and light veggie dip. And to wash it all down, a glass of iced tea. I feel satisfied.

Vacation! [part four]

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:38:08 +0000

Day 4, I had a revelation (since I really have nothing better to do than to sit in my own thoughts). I'm always taking showers at night, I guess I never really realized that before because it was so routine. Anywho. Reasons why I hate showering in the morning: 1. I remember reading somewhere that we sleep in our own soil. I refuse to sleep in my “body soil.” You think they could have put that in a more delicate manner. Like Body Secretions, Body Filth, Body Juices, Body… you know the more I go on, the more “Soil” sounds delicate. Either way it’s just gross, I like to shower off what the day had put upon me. 2. Also, I like to snooze my alarm at least 20 times before I wake up to get ready for work. I can’t accomplish doing that if I have to fit in a shower! Do you see my predicament? I rest my case; shower at night, not in the morning.

Vacation! [part two & three]

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 10:48:04 +0000

Day 2 of my vacation was spent teasing my inner graphic designer. My beloved sister, Tina, is back at it with school. Needless to say, Tina working on her projects and asking me for my help is really getting my design juices flowing. When I say "flowing," I mean over-flowing. Like spewing out of every hole in my body! The only place I currently have to direct this over-charged creativity is but my blog. Yes, be assured that there will be some drastic changes to my blog. Maybe a color vomit of some sort, who knows. All I know is that I have about 9 or 10 different mock-ups that I would like to work on, if I were home. *le sigh* Pssst... here's my last burst of design-vomit: a CD cover that I did for my Mother's anniversary present to my step-father. Voila! Moving on. Day 3, I start off with a hearty breakfast of two sunny-side-up eggs, toast, a cup of fruit and a side teasing. Tina insists that I have to be the only one left in my age group who eats breakfast everyday. Can it be true? Am I the only twenty-something year old left who eats breakfast everyday? It can't be, who can deny those succulent "dippy" eggs with buttered white toast, the crispness of bacon, and the fresh taste of fruit paired with a glass of juice? Then again in my case, a breakfast like such is fine cuisine and hard to come by. I'm but a simple girl, gimme a bowl of Sugar Snaps and that's my idea of fine cuisine!

Vacation! [part one]

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 21:03:41 +0000

Day 1 of my vacation from work and I've already forgotten about Twitter! Two reasons; one being that I turned off my phone updates to avoid being yelled at by Twitter to update. Technology frightens me... I fear being scorned by a minion of the internet. Now if my blog had similar capabilities as Twitter, then I would find myself leaving all device updates on. I would much rather have my blog yelling at me, because ultimately, it would just be myself yelling at myself... and I find that much more comforting... Oh yea, and the other reason being the Stiller! [Steeler] game. While watching the game, I shamefully admit to screaming at the tv in hopes for a response. Apparently technology isn’t that advanced yet and only works one way (thanks zakmo). In which, I need to make a mental note of that for the next Steeler game: referees cannot hear you nor your obnoxious screams of the obvious bad calls. Oh, and game shows as well. Screaming like the world is ending, in hopes that the contestant says your answer and that being the correct one, of course, can finally come to a peaceful end. Surgeons will be at ease knowing they'll have a lot less reconstructive surgeries of the ear drum on their hands.

Game Show Host: Answer this final question, and you will have won ONE MILLION DOLLARS!
Game Show Host: What is 28 - 22?
Contestant: Umm...
Me: SIX! SIX! SIX! SIX, YOU FLAMING IDIOT! FOR ALL THAT IS GOOD ON THIS EARTH, SAY SIX!
Contestant: Seven!
Me: *impales self with spork*

Employee of the minute

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:37:59 +0000

I unwillingly decided to go out with a bang. By saying that, I surprisingly got my vacation from work next week. By saying "surprisingly," I did not ask for my vacation, it just 'appeared' on next week's schedule. And then I had this fleeting thought like, "Damn! do I look that haggerd-ish to be given a vacation. Are the bags under my eyes that threatening? Are they screaming for some rest?!" D'oh! Silly me, I did request for a vacation. I requested for a vacation this week but opted to work because of all the unavailability from the rest of the employees. Then offered a simple solution to just take my vacation for next week. It all makes sense now. Now, going back to the whole "going out with a bang" thing. I purposely left Dave's house early tonight so I can get a sufficient amount of sleep so I'm not too horrid tomorrow morning and a slight resemblance of a morning person. But here I am, wide awake at 1:40 in the morning. My goal is to get as less sleep as possible, so I'm horribly grumpy in the morning and purposely taking out all my regret for staying up late on my customers just because it's my last day of work. Hoo-rah!

My nipple tassels spilled the beans

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:26:01 +0000

Life as i know it has been flooded with "I Voted Today" pins, hats, shirts, avatars, pictures of the "I Voted" pin on themselves or other miscellaneous objects, and hell if I know it, nipple tassels. Like broadcasting that vital information is going to get you a pat on the back or a mental note of acknowledgment. Who care's because I surely do not. So to jump on the bandwagon I broadcast my very own avatar. Yes ladies and gents, I did not vote today. The day I turned 18, I had not a fleeting thought of excitement because I am finally of age to vote. I have not a care in the world to vote because I do not believe that my one measly little vote counts. I am well aware of how the system works and it is not MY vote that chooses president's but the electoral votes. Presidents may win the popular vote by a land slide but dare lose the electoral vote to the other guy well... sorry, but better luck next time. My voice will not be heard and neither will yours. People say to me, "If you do not vote, you have not the right to your opinion." I say, I have no opinion on the world, nor the government nor have I complained. If something doesn't directly affect me, why should I break a sweat for it? Call it selfish, but I have more important things going on in my life to worry about. Yes, this entry will probably stir up some shit, but I plead the 5th. Lets all focus on the real excitement about Election Day and that being the oh-so-very adorable Google logo:

Don't take passengers for granted!

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 17:10:32 +0000

Even though I posted pictures on my Flickr account about the transformation of my car's interior but a mere couple of days ago, I still have this urge to blog about it. Because you really need to know the story behind it all and the sense of urgency to do such a... um... "transformation." Hokay, let's cut the crap, I have not cleaned the inside of my car since I bought it... in the beginning of February! Not only could no one sit in the back seat, there surely would have been some entity from hell that would've emerged from it. Fellow tweeters like Overshee agreed with me claiming satan originated from his trash in his backseat. Moving on; pictures to prove such a catastrophe. (If only there was 'smell-o-vision' to explain the funk-smell that my car seemed to have. The 9 month old Yankee-candle-car-freshener wasn't helping anything!) Lets start with what lied behind the driver seat. I've purposely numbered such items that I thought needed the "spotlight." 1. One of many empty Nerds boxes. 2. Practically a whole load of laundry resided in the backseat of my car. Which would explain part of the stench. 3. Umbrella. Hey, you never know when it's going to rain! 4. My long, lost Evanescence CD, which unfortunately got scratched amongst the wreckage. *le sigh* 5. A very cute pair of Sketchers. I couldn't find the other shoe! I think my car eated it. 6. Some type of Kashi granola type bars that I used to pack in Dave's lunches way back when I used to pack them. The expiration date was dated for April... This probably contributed to the foul stench that lingered in my car. Oh, there's more kiddies. Moving on to behind the passenger seat. And under the spotlight are: 1. The empty "num-chum" container my nephew decided to dump out. ("num-chum" further explained in #5) 2. The very, cute and every so fashionable headband that my dear, 80yr-old co-worker bought for me under the false pretenses that I am a child, with a small child's head. I believed I suffered a migraine the one and only time I wore that thing... then died from an aneurism. 3. An invitation to my friend's graduation from ITT Technical Institute... that was in June and surprisingly escaped the dangers of being stepped on. I swear this invitation was in pristine shape. Awkward. 4. It's really a shame when I haven't the slightest clue how old this gum is... old enough to have fallen out the package and be melted by the sun and forever fused to my carpet. Gross. 5. The infamous "num-chums." Or more popularly known as those little fruit bites that Gerber makes. My nephew Auron calls them "num chums" so they are forever known as "num chum," get with the program America. 6. A pencil... for you to take note of the "num-chums." To conclude this horror story, a good three hours of vigorous labor with the help of AmorAll, Windex, and a Shop-Vac; my car now looks the way it did the day I bought it from the dealership. Riders welcome! P.S. I decided to spare you of the many pop bottles in which the liquid inside of them solidified into a gel-like-substance. *shivers*

Pumpkin carvings

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 23:57:52 +0000

Surpise, I am digital-camera-less yet again. My poor, poor camera died last night... may it rest in peace. Anywho, Dave took me to a pumpkin patch! After which we carved our pumpkins! (This exact photo really shows me just how obsessed I am with cows.) P.S. It's seriously a cow, not a pig, note the horns.

My house NEEDS fumigated

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 20:51:27 +0000

It's been close to a month since my last update. Let's just say my house was plagued with flesh eating diseases hence my absence. No... really, I was just avoiding what was facing me the instant I slowed down and had a moment to myself. That my friend pertains to my last entry. I'm going to put this as shortly as possible. Much to my dismay, I've lost what I had with Dave, emotionally. I haven't felt the same about him, so I took a break from our relationship. On that note, I did as much as possible to fill up my spare time so I wasn't left sitting alone, beating up on myself on how horrible of a person I was. (Which is mostly to blame for my blog neglect) When I was finally ready to talk to Dave, and Dave being ready to talk to me, no words were spoken. Like the fool I am, I cried my eyes out for an hour and somehow we both came to the conclusion to start off as friends and take it slow. < Insert Happy Ending >